Am I killing time by caring for mom?

There are many things I want to write about. To do that, I have to search the website. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough time to make research and organize my thoughts now.
My mom, now 98, has been a theme for me to observe not as her son but as another young old man who is interested in how she is getting old.

I cut milk from her breakfast and offered her “zenzai”, a sweet red bean drink. Red bean is good for us, but not the sugar in the drink. I could solve colitis and toilet accidents with “zenzai”. Recently she goes to the toilet frequently. I suspected she might be suffering from diabetes. Instead of “zenzai”, I serve the hot tea with a little honey.

She smells since she has not taken a bath for a year. I started to wipe her back with a hot towel. She liked it so I can continue to do that. Now no more bad smell. I do this twice or thrice a day. I also suffer from senile pruritus or elderly itching. I started to put anti-itch cream on her back which I use. She uses a back-scratcher but it scratches her back, leaving a slight scar.
What takes my time is chatting with her. She has no more women she can talk with. She is the oldest woman in our neighborhood except for a woman of one-year older who has been in a nearby hospital.

My mom lives a very lonely life, every day complaining about her life without any woman to talk to. She can’t see the reason to live for. She needs mental support. I’m glad she is healthy, saying “おいしい”, delicious whatever dishes I serve for her. She likes soup. So every time I serve her soup of different tastes. I steam beef and pork together with vegetables. After that, I boil them. Probably good nutrition may disappear. However, we eat raw fruit a lot, which might cover the lack of nutrition.

I have to think about what to do with mom. She often takes time from me. While learning foreign languages on Skype or writing the blog for the day, she cuts in saying, “I can’t walk”. I take her to the washroom in a wheelchair, though it is only within some five meters away.

People suggest that I may be too good a person to take good care of his mom. They think I have a hard time taking care of mom. However, I am not overloaded with intolerable stress as they may think. I see mom not as her son to take good care of her. I see her as an observed object. Or a kind of game of how I could extend her life. If she could live with my support to be 103-year-old, which should make a record. Then I win in this game. Am I a little weird? No, that way, I keep myself from too much empathy

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